WHEW!
I just read the announcement on People Magazine about “How Jennifer Garner got her Body Back.” I thought, was it stolen from her on-set trailer? Perhaps she left it in a first class seat on a trans-Atlantic flight. Oh, dear, had she loaned it to somebody because she was too tired to do another romantic comedy? Maybe she had sent it out to do a photo shoot and it stayed out too late shmoozing with the famous people. I couldn’t even fathom the thought of a “body snatchers” sort of scenario–too scary to imagine. At any rate, I am so relieved that she did, in fact, get her body back.
Is this really the world we live in where a person isn’t even a real person unless her body is red carpet and camera ready? I suspect she was using her body to nourish the child she had just carried for 9 months, and it was not, in fact, ” missing” as was implied by the gossip magazine.
When was the last time you saw a woman in a magazine whose body type wasn’t small-hipped, lithe, ideally proportioned with perfectly shaped legs and taller than the average woman (5′4″)? I’m not even talking about weight or size here, I’m just saying that there is only one body type that is portrayed in our magazines, movies and tv shows. I’ll give credit to Jennifer Lopez with her strong glutes and thighs and maybe Beyonce. And there are other women in Hollywood who are atypical, but they’re not generally considered sexy or leading lady types.
I look at myself, my relatives and my girlfriends and nobody looks that way! Where’s the disconnect and what does that do to us when we’re trying to become a healthy weight? I mean, even if we lose the weight we want so that we’re at a healthy BMI (body mass index) most women are never, ever going to look like “the beautiful” people. It’s definitely time to honor all body types, all shapes and all sizes.
So how do we do it? One way is to recognize and then turn off that critical voice in our heads. Be kind to other people, honor other people, be kind to yourself and honor yourself. Another is to notice how different people are without being critical. I’ll be at the gym some days and see people who are in fantastic shape lifting weights, running on the treadmill, doing an aerobics class and think to myself how different everyone looks. Some women have wide hips, some women have stick-skinny legs, some are tall, some have thick, strong thighs and calves and all of them are healthy and beautiful!
Another thing we can do is think about the way we’ve described ourselves or how others have described us and decide if it’s true, if it matters and find a way to get past it. In high school I got quite a bit of “recognition” for having big breasts (today it would be called sexual harassment, then it was boys being boys and not something that was all that inappropriate.) Did you ever refer to your legs as “thunder thighs”? How about your “big booty”? Did you or do you stoop because your height bothered you? Are those things you think and say even true?
We can also be honest and not try to hide what we look like. I love belly dancers for this reason! There’s no “sucking in” in belly dancing, it’s fantastically liberating just to watch women who are comfortable in their skin. Are you tall? Stand up straight and OWN every inch of yourself. Do you have strong thighs? Look at yourself in the mirror. I mean really LOOK, don’t judge, just see what you look like. Maybe your thighs are big. Um, so what? Maybe your shoulders are broad. OK, so they are.
We can also trust other people who give us compliments. My husband really does think I have the best legs ever. I’ll point out someone else’s beautiful legs and he says, “But I like yours, they’re strong and curvy in the right places.” I’ll compliment my girlfriends and have to insist that I am sincere that their (fill in the blank) belly, shoulders, bum, legs really are beautiful. Other people know what they’re talking about and don’t usually hand out compliments like candy at a parade.
I think one of the most important things we can do to change our attitudes toward our bodies is by recognizing and honoring what our bodies do for us. Our bodies are functional, not just to be used as clothes hangers or as decoration. I have friends who have run marathons, completed triathlons, given birth to twins, slammed volleyballs into the ground, recovered from cancer, fed babies (not to mention the day to day walking, lifting, sewing, painting, etc. that they and we all do.) Look at your belly that you so despise. It carried your children. How about your “sagging” breasts that gave them the best nourishment money can’t buy? How about those spectacular thighs that carried you 26.2 miles?
I know that men have some of the same issues and that our society does have some of the same expectations of them. I also know that more and more young boys are developing eating disorders and body image problems. I addressed women here, but much of the same advice can be used by men as well.
May you be happy, healthy and recognize your wonderful, powerful body,
Regan
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