“Scream a loud ‘No’ to thoughts in your head that declare you’re ‘good’ for eating under 1,000 calories or ‘bad’ because you ate a piece of chocolate cake.  The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created.  The police station is housed deep in your psyche and its loudspeaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments.  Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.”  (pg. 92, Intuitive Eating)

From my day-to-day interactions with clients, I know that people are riddled with guilt about how they eat, but according to Tribole and Resch, “In a random survey of 2,075 adults, 45% said they feel guilty after eating foods they like!”  (pg. 92)  How is it that food has been equated with “badness” or “goodness”?  Is it the Puritan values that our country drew from and was built upon?  Other countries don’t seem to have this same “guilt” issue about food.  In fact, when Americans are asked to think of the first word that comes to mind when they hear the words, “chocolate cake” they say, “guilt.”  The French think, “celebration.”  We keep trying to figure out the “French paradox.”  I suspect a huge part of it is simply perception and being “allowed” to enjoy food and celebrate it.  We’ve heard of people being punished by having supper withheld and we think of a meal of “bread and water” as being punishment for bad behavior.  Whatever the reasons that our culture tends to equate food, or enjoying food, or delicious food with guilt, it’s time to fight back and take a different approach to food and eating.

How can you start to take a different approach to food and eating?  First, become aware of your instant self-talk when it comes to food.  I am going to list some common misperceptions, THESE ARE NOT ACCURATE, but they’re common and I want you to see if you say some of this to yourself.

–Fat is bad

–Carbohydrates are bad

–It’s bad to eat after 6:00 pm

–Eggs are bad

–Ice cream is bad

–All of the things that I like to eat are bad

What other self-talk do you have about food?  It may feel real, you may believe it with all your heart and soul, but remember, simply because you think something is true doesn’t make it so.  The book explains it clearly, “The thoughts themselves can be very damaging and can affect subsequent behavior.  These thoughts are called cognitive distortions, and we call the voices that speak these distortions the Food Police.”  (pg. 95)

Let’s talk about the Food Police.  I can’t say it better than the authors so I’ll quote, “[The Food Police] is your inner judge and jury that determines if you are doing ‘good’ or ‘bad.’  The Food Police is the sum of all your dieting and food rules, and gets stronger with each diet.  It also gets strengthened through new food rules that you may read about in magazines or messages you hear from friends and family.”  (pg. 96)  The Food Police doesn’t help you, it merely makes you feel bad.  It tells you that “you can’t possibly be hungry, you just ate breakfast,” or, “I can’t believe you just ate two pieces of bread/a piece of chocolate/guacamole/peanut butter, you’re going to get so fat from that!”

To get the Food Police to SHUT UP, you must challenge that voice inside your head.  You must say, “I know what hungry feels like, and even though I just ate breakfast, I am hungry now,” or, “Avocados are good for me, taste delicious and make me feel satisfied,” or, “Chocolate isn’t going to make me fat; one food doesn’t have the power to make or break my health.”

Who else works with the Food Police?  The Nutrition Informant, or as I like to refer to the voice, the Tattletale.  It says it’s looking out for your health, but it’s just tallying all of your “sins.”  It’s the voice that says, “If you want a snack, it should only be fruits or vegetables.”  The Nutrition Informant is tricky because most of us DO want to eat a healthy diet so it seems silly that we’d want to fight against that good advice.  But is it good advice?  When it comes to having an apple as a snack, that’s OK, right?  Sure, but know that a 75 calorie snack is going to put a little something in your belly, but you’ll probably be hungry again soon.  The Nutrition Informant insists that “you can’t possibly be hungry after eating that apple for a snack.”  The Nutrition Informant doesn’t tell you that a peanut butter sandwich or cheese and crackers or some bean dip with crackers are all healthy foods too, and they’ll actually satisfy you.

What can you do to fight the Nutrition Informant?  Turn it into the Nutrition Ally.  This voice has no hidden agenda and says, “I like low fat sour cream just as much as regular fat sour cream.  I think I’ll pick the one with less saturated fat.”  When the Nutrition Ally speaks, you don’t feel bad or guilty, you feel like you’re in charge.

What other voices are floating around in there?  There’s the Diet Rebel.  You know that voice, it’s the two year old in your dieting head screaming, “You can’t make me!”  It’s the voice that says, “I’m not going to eat ‘healthy’ fish, I’m going to eat deep fried pork chops covered in gravy!” without even checking with your gut to see what sounds good.  If you want deep fried pork chops covered in gravy, that’s fine, but when you’re rebelling against your self-imposed (or spouse-imposed or parent-imposed or Dr. Diet-imposed) rules, you’re not listening to what your body really wants to eat.  The Diet Rebel makes your food choices based on what you CAN’T have rather than on what you truly want to have.

What can you do to fight the Diet Rebel?  Turn it into the Rebel Ally.  Use that loud, strong voice to protect your boundaries.  The Rebel Ally will let you say to your sister, “Yes, I can have dessert if I want it,” or, “That meatloaf was delicious, Mom, but I really don’t want a second helping right now,” or, “Sarah, the size of my jeans is none of your business,” or, “Joey, you have no right to comment about my weight.”  (pg. 101)

There’s another voice that the authors call the Food Anthropologist.  This voice just pays attention and gathers information–WITHOUT JUDGMENT.  It’s the voice that says, “I am really hungry today, but I just ate food that would normally fill me up.  Oh, that’s right, yesterday I had lighter meals and went for a long hike.”  The Food Anthropologist can use a food journal, but you must be careful not to use it as a way to judge or convict yourself of your food transgressions.  The Anthropologist’s food journal is merely a collection of facts that can help you sort through your skewed thinking.

When my clients first come to see me, I tell them, “In here it’s a safe place where I expect you to be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend, a stranger or a lost puppy.”  In other words, I expect and hope my clients can use what Intuitive Eating calls the Nurturer.  This voice is calm, gentle and kind.  It may be new to you.  The Nurturer says, “It’s OK to have nachos.  Eating nachos is normal.”  This voice will say things like, “If I have a cookie it doesn’t mean I’m bad, it also doesn’t mean I can’t lose the weight I want.  Cookies are one of my favorite things so I will never cut them out of my diet completely.”  The Nurturer is reasonable and patient.

Finally, there is the Intuitive Eater inside of each of us.  ”The Intuitive Eater speaks your gut reactions.  You were born as an Intuitive Eater, but this persona has probably been suppressed for most of your life by the voices of the Food Police (prevailing in your family and in society), the Diet Rebel, and the Nutrition Informant…it knows how to challenge the distorted messages of the Food Police and how to get the Rebel Ally to speak out loud to fend off the boundary invaders.” (pg. 104)  The Intuitive Eater wants to know what you’re hungry for, it tells you it’s OK to leave food on your plate, it makes you understand that it’s normal to eat and enjoy chocolate.

The book suggests some self-talk strategies for challenging the Food Police.  In my next post I will discuss some of their ideas and recommendations.

May you be happy, healthy and listen to your gut,

Regan

The problem comes when a person always or almost always eats in response to emotional hunger and/or when a person consistently eats beyond her satisfied or comfortably full level.  Having food as the only way to soothe emotions during difficult times is a recipe for an unhealthy and unnatural relationship with food and a battle with being overweight.

WHAT TO DO?

First, recognize that the food is the coping mechanism, not necessarily the problem. You don’t have a “food addiction” (uh, we all have a “food addiction.”  Wanting food is one thing that allows our species to exist) you have emotional stressors that you’re not dealing with/not recognizing are there/afraid to face/not able to face yet.  The emotions are there, you’re just doing a really bad job of covering them up.

Second, recognize that you don’t have a “fat” or “overweight” problem either.  If you’re an emotional eater, you’re not going to solve those emotional problems by losing weight.  It sounds so obvious when you read it, but anyone selling the latest diet product is trying to convince you that weight loss is going to fix those problems.  If you hate your job or are in an unhappy marriage, being thin isn’t going to fix it.  Remember, being overweight is a symptom that you’re eating in response to cues other than biological hunger.  It is not an indication that you are a bad/lazy/worthless person.

Third, recognize the emotions.  Factually, objectively look at what you’re feeling when you eat in response to emotions. Are you scared of a presentation you have to do at work?  Are you “bored” at work but actually dissatisfied with your career?  Do you need more affection from your spouse?  Are you angry at your children?  Are you lonely? Scared?  And remember this, “anxiety” is not an emotion.  Fear is an emotion. Happiness is an emotion.  Sadness is an emotion. Anger is an emotion.

How do you work through it?

You can sit with the emotion and just let it pass.  Don’t go for the potato chips or extra helping of meatloaf just yet, take a break and just feel what’s happening to you.  You can eat in a few minutes if you want to, but it’s pretty important to start recognizing what the uncomfortable feelings are that you’re eating in response to.  Just BE for a few minutes.

You can write down what you’re feeling/thinking/imagining.  When we talk about journaling, many people think they have to sit down, date the top of the page and then write really deep, inspiring, rambling entries.  Don’t try to do that, just jot down thoughts, words, sentences.  I keep a little notebook in my purse so when I’m overwhelmed by an emotion or thought, I can scratch it out.  Lots of times I end up scrawling a page or two, but just putting pen to paper provides a release and a way to identify my emotions.

You can exercise.  Really?  That sounds like such a “diet mentality” sort of thing to do. But you’re not going for a walk to burn calories or to strengthen your heart, you’re going to breathe and to get some of the anxiety and crabbiness worked out.  You know the old adage, “What a difference a day makes.”  Well, I’m convinced that there’s truth to, “What a difference a walk makes.”  Remember, physical activity doesn’t GET RID of the stressors, but it does lower the stress hormones that make us feel the need to fight or flight and it also knocks the stress down to size.

You can talk to someone whose job it is to listen to you.  For some people talking to a friend can work.  I find that I need a totally objective person whose job it is to just sit there and encourage me to spill my guts.  When I talk to friends about stuff I tend to just get myself even more worked up.  I know many people are leery about talking to a counselor or therapist, but for people who have chronic stress, are emotionally “jammed up” or are often the caretakers of other people, sometimes the only way through the emotional maze is by talking to a professional.  And the thing about a good therapist is that they don’t allow, much less encourage you to dwell on “crapola.”  It really isn’t the old Freudian, “Tell me about your mother” bit.

And finally, if you’re dealing with big scary issues like physical or sexual abuse or post-traumatic stress disorder, a therapist can be a lifesaver.  Sometimes you have to take a big leap of faith to start talking about the skeletons in the closets, but know you’ll be a healthier, happier person for it.

Remember, emotions are normal, don’t try to get rid of them or hide them in a bucket of ice cream.  Being frightened or nervous doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re human.  Feeling angry doesn’t make you a bad person.  You have the ability to work through them without using food.

May you be happy, angry, sad, scared and live through it all,

Regan