My story
Most of the time New Year’s resolutions don’t take hold. People make them and are done with them by February, if not sooner. My story is one of success, and possibly hope. Eight years ago I set a goal. You can call it a New Year’s resolution because I started in January, but it was a goal. No, it was a decision. I weighed over 220 pounds and just knew I didn’t want another year to pass when I would look back and say, “If I’d just started this last year, think of where I’d be.” What was different for me that time?
What made it stick?
How did I lose 80+ pounds?
1. I made a decision. Perhaps that sounds simplistic, but a conscious decision is quite different from a longing, a yearning, an “I-wish-it-were-different” thought. A decision requires action and a decision changes things.
2. I did research. I wanted to know HOW a human being actually loses weight. I needed to know what ACTUALLY, TRULY needed to be done. I learned that 3500 calories equals one pound. I sought out information about how many calories I would use doing different activities. I learned how many calories it took my body to function. I learned that (because I was over two hundred pounds) eating 1200 calories per day like the magazines said was probably NOT going to work for me. I did my own math and figured out what I would need to make a deficit of 500-1000 calories per day.
3. I kept track of every single thing I put in my mouth. I measured every portion size (yowzers, that’s what a portion size of ice cream is?) I wrote it all down. I used Weight Watchers to keep track of points. (Same thing as calorie counting, just a different method. It worked for me.) I didn’t attend meetings. I didn’t like them. I got tired of keeping track of every single thing I ate. It was annoying, it was tiresome and I felt totally obsessed. I had faith that it would change, that my new way of eating would become my permanent way of eating. It did and the need to be hyper-vigilant went away. I also started to trust my body and its signals to tell me I was hungry or not hungry. I didn’t even know bodies did that.
4. I ate within my calorie needs. Except when I didn’t. I went on vacations, I went out to dinner, I ate fast food, I spent time with friends. There were many times when I ate more calories than my body needed, but MOST of the time I ate fewer calories than I needed. So, by eating fewer calories than my body needed on MOST days, I could eat about what my body needed on other days and still lose weight.
5. I ate what I wanted to eat. If it was something that was quite high calorie, I ate less. I learned that a cheeseburger Happy Meal is a reasonable meal for an adult. I’d eat half a piece of cake, I’d eat only the top of the sundae because the soft serve ice cream without any toppings wasn’t worth the calories.
6. I started exercising, but slowly. Other times I had tried I ended up sore and sick. (Too much exercise inhibits our immune systems. The right amount keeps us healthy.) Half hour to forty five minutes a day was good for several months.
7. I increased activity everywhere else. I stopped being as “lazy” around my house. I looked for places to be active. I did things I’d normally ask my husband to do. I parked far away at the store. (Still do. My car doesn’t have any dings.) My house got cleaner, my dog got walked.
8. I exercised in the morning. I am NOT a morning person, but I found that the only excuse I had in the morning was that I was sleepy. By midday, I could find a jillion other things to do with my time. Morning exercise became a habit.
9. I added more exercise. I hired a personal trainer to show me what to do. I found out I had to lift heavy weight and be sore. I was motivated enough to do it on my own, so he’d give me an exercise routine and I’d do it for a few months and I’d go back for an update. I didn’t feel stupid working out in the free weights section anymore because I knew what I was doing. I felt comfortable because I learned that I was on the right track.
10. I decided that no matter how much I weighed, I was still valuable, lovable and attractive. I accepted myself at 223 pounds. I just knew, I KNEW that if I wasn’t all right with ME, it didn’t matter how much I weighed.
11. I went to therapy. I didn’t go to therapy to lose weight, I went to therapy to talk, to figure out why I was unhappy. I’ve got to be honest, I don’t have a clue why I was unhappy, but I know that after being honest and working through relatively minor things that I held onto like a drowning man clings to a life vest, I was happier. I was content. After I had been in therapy, I decided it would be all right for me to lose weight. I learned it was just fine if men found me attractive.
12. I grieved a little. Now I recognize that all I was giving up was the feeling of being overstuffed and miserable, but at the time I really thought some of my happiness was tied to what I ate. Salty, high fat food in enormous portions was like a bad boyfriend that I loved too much, but I knew I should give up for the kind of guy your mom would approve of. I still love food. I mean, I LOVE food, but we have a healthier relationship. I have other “friends” like going for a walk, being able to run (I used to have dreams of running!) and being able to buy the clothes I want to wear.
13. I kept at it. I never, ever, EVER believed that I had “blown” my diet. Quite simply, I wasn’t on a diet, I was living my life. I never allowed myself to “throw in the towel” because it wasn’t an option since I knew I would keep at it until I got it right. There were times when I would be a little frustrated that I had devoured many Ruffles with French onion dip, but I knew that I would do it again. I knew that if this was going to be for the rest of my life, I was going to have to figure out what I would give up (much fast food) and what I would not give up (Ruffles with French onion dip. Though now those chips and dip are only part of my life 3 or 4 times a year, not once a week.)
14. I learned, on my own, what the book “Intuitive Eating” talks about. I learned to honor my hunger, I learned to shut off the “food police” voice inside my head, I saw food as pleasure but also as sustenance. I removed some of the power that food had. I never punished myself and I never berated myself.
15. I decided that I would be as kind to myself as I would be to a friend, a stranger or a lost puppy. And I suppose in many was I was all of those things.
I don’t expect other people’s experiences or reasons for being overweight or ways to lose weight to be like mine. I honor all people’s experiences and only hope I can provide the professional, science based knowledge that I have, along with my compassion and empathy for what many of you are going through.
May you be happy, healthy and find your path,
Regan
Leave a Reply