Regan Wilson, RD

“Intutive Eating” The Peace Process

It sounds like we’re talking about talks at Camp David, doesn’t it?  I think for many people it can feel that way too!  The thought of making peace with food and giving yourself unconditional permission to eat can be overwhelming because it’s very important to you, it can also be overwhelming because it just doesn’t seem like it’s something that’s you could possibly do.  “Sure, other people can develop a healthy relationship with food, but not me, I’m broken…I’m out of control…I love food too much…I’ll eat until I’m ten thousand pounds…I’m terrified…there’s no way it works…”

Let’s talk about some basic principles.  First, and let me quote here, “Making peace with food means allowing all foods into your eating world, so that a choice for chocolate becomes emotionally equal to the choice for a peach.”  The authors go onto say that among health professionals there has been this idea that there should be no forbidden foods, but “very few will go the distance and say, eat whatever you want.  Eventually there is a limit imposed.  And knowing there is a limit can still impart a food lust of sorts–better eat it now!”  (pg. 85)

By allowing yourself to eat anything you want, you are no longer arguing with that voice in your head that says what’s “good” to eat and what’s “bad” to eat.  The need to rebel is gone.

What are some of the fears that hold you back from giving up dieting and embracing Intuitive Eating?

I Won’t Stop Eating

First, it’s important to remember that all foods will always be allowed in your new way of eating.  Another thing is that we get tired of eating the same kind of food–it’s called habituation.  “Habituation studies have shown that the more a person is exposed to a particular food, the less appealing it becomes.”  (pg. 87)  You will get to a point where you’ll get bored eating something.  I know, it doesn’t seem possible that you could ever be bored eating raw cookie dough, but by giving yourself permission to eat all that you want, some of the “forbidden” and “naughty” is gone and it’s not as alluring anymore.

Also, I think this idea of “I’ll never stop eating” is sort of like thinking you’re gong to die if you have to speak in public.  It’s one of those ludicrous thoughts that enters a person’s head and, despite the fact that it’s just about impossible (I mean, really, you’re going to stop to go to the bathroom or to sleep.  You won’t literally “never stop eating.”)  When a thought like that enters my head, I will sometimes take it to the farthest, reasonable conclusion.  So for me, I would think, “If I had twelve animal-style double-doubles from In-N-Out Burger, sitting in front of me what’s the worst that would happen?”  I know I would stop.  I would be so full and so uncomfortable that I would stop enjoying them after a while.  One day it could be half a burger, another day it could take a whole one before I stopped, on a different day I might work my way through two of them plus a strawberry shake!  But I know that I would stop.  Eventually.

And one more thing:  No, you won’t ever stop eating.  Let me repeat, YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO NOT EAT.  You will have breaks, like when you sleep, but you will be hungry and you will have another meal and you will enjoy a crisp, tart apple and you will have a reuben sandwich and you will eat ice cream and you will have grilled salmon…  Embrace eating and don’t be afraid of it.  It isn’t going away!

Pseudo-Permission:  I’ve Tried It Before

Perhaps you’ve “allowed” yourself one piece of chocolate per day while you’re “on a diet.”  Sound familiar?  That’s not unconditional.  That’s one piece of chocolate per day.  That’s not, “I can eat all the chocolate I want whenever I want.”  This whole “unconditional permission” is a tough concept for people to grasp.  This type of approach says, “YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, DIPPED IN RANCH WITH A SIDE OF GUACAMOLE, TOPPED WITH CARROT CAKE AND COVERED IN BUTTERSCOTCH SYRUP!”  See if you can wrap your head around real, true, unconditional permission to eat.

I Won’t Eat Healthfully

I know, it’s crazy, I’m a dietitian and the women who wrote the book are dietitians and we’re still telling you to do this.  We think that you will, eventually, figure out what foods you prefer, what foods make you feel good, what foods become occasional and what foods are staples of your diet.  In this process of learning to be an Intuitive Eater, we’re not so concerned about the “nutrition” of your food since that would likely “perpetuate your restrictive thoughts.”  (pg. 88)  We can talk nutrition later, when you really believe that you get to eat whatever you want and when you feel that you can trust yourself.

Lack of Self-Trust

You may believe whole-heartedly that this approach will work for other people, but that there’s no way in H-E-double-hockey-sticks that it can work for you.  Here’s a whole paragraph I want to quote:

Ironically, the process of giving yourself permission to eat is actually the stepping-stone to rebuilding your trust with food and with yourself.  In the beginning, each positive food experience is like a tiny thread.  They may be few and far between, and seem insignificant, but eventually the threads form a strand.  The strands multiply into strong ropes and finally the ropes become the bridge to a foundation of trust in food and in yourself.  (pg. 89)

I see this happen immediately with my clients.  Yes, they are excited to do something besides “diet,” and that’s part of it, but having been given permission to eat whatever they want allows them to start trusting themselves with food.  It’s not perfect, it is strand by strand.  It is a process.  Also, for some people, it’s a whole new feeling to recognize that they are in charge of themselves.  I know, sounds weird, but your history of failed diet after failed diet may keep you believing that you’re not in charge of what you put in your mouth.  Some people were never allowed to decide what to eat and when to eat because someone else was always in charge.  Often these people believe they can’t be trusted with food.  A parent who insists, “You can’t possibly be hungry for a snack” but then requires a child to finish everything on her plate tells that child she can’t trust her own hunger signals.

You can and will learn to trust yourself.  You’re trustworthy.

Here are some things you can do:

1.  Pay attention to foods that appeal to you and make a list of them.

2.  Put a check by the foods you actually do eat, then circle remaining foods that you’ve been restricting.

3.  Give yourself permission to eat one forbidden food from your list, then go to the market and buy this food, or order it at a restaurant.

4.  Check in with yourself to see if the food tastes as good as you imagined.  If you find that you really like it, continue to give yourself permission to buy or order it.

5.  Make sure that you keep enough of the food in your kitchen so that you know it will be there if you want it.  Or if that seems too scary, go to a restaurant and order the particular food as often as you like.  (pg. 91)

Remember to honor your hunger (eat when you’re hungry, don’t make yourself “pay” so that you’re starving.)

Keep at the list.  Try all the foods, evaluate all the foods, but mostly do what you can do.  There will be times when you’re “freaked out” or perhaps guilt ridden.  Remember, you’ve got permission to do this.  You aren’t breaking any rules or “being bad.”

May you be happy, healthy and enjoy every bite,

Regan