“Emotional Eating” Straight talk
Many, if not most of us are “emotional eaters.” By that I mean that we eat in response to feelings rather than in response to biological hunger. We eat when we’re happy (wedding cake anyone?) We eat to soothe after a stressful day. We search for a snack when we’re bored at work. For many people this “emotional eating” isn’t a big deal. They may eat a little less when they have meals because they respond to their natural hunger cues at those times or they may be physically active enough that the food eaten during emotional times isn’t a detriment to their weight.
The problem comes when a person always or almost always eats in response to emotional hunger and/or when a person consistently eats beyond her satisfied or comfortably full level. Having food as the only way to soothe emotions during difficult times is a recipe for an unhealthy and unnatural relationship with food and a battle with being overweight.
WHAT TO DO?
First, recognize that the food is the coping mechanism, not necessarily the problem. You don’t have a “food addiction” (uh, we all have a “food addiction.” Wanting food is one thing that allows our species to exist) you have emotional stressors that you’re not dealing with/not recognizing are there/afraid to face/not able to face yet. The emotions are there, you’re just doing a really bad job of covering them up.
Second, recognize that you don’t have a “fat” or “overweight” problem either. If you’re an emotional eater, you’re not going to solve those emotional problems by losing weight. It sounds so obvious when you read it, but anyone selling the latest diet product is trying to convince you that weight loss is going to fix those problems. If you hate your job or are in an unhappy marriage, being thin isn’t going to fix it. Remember, being overweight is a symptom that you’re eating in response to cues other than biological hunger. It is not an indication that you are a bad/lazy/worthless person.
Third, recognize the emotions. Factually, objectively look at what you’re feeling when you eat in response to emotions. Are you scared of a presentation you have to do at work? Are you “bored” at work but actually dissatisfied with your career? Do you need more affection from your spouse? Are you angry at your children? Are you lonely? Scared? And remember this, “anxiety” is not an emotion. Fear is an emotion. Happiness is an emotion. Sadness is an emotion. Anger is an emotion.
How do you work through it?
You can sit with the emotion and just let it pass. Don’t go for the potato chips or extra helping of meatloaf just yet, take a break and just feel what’s happening to you. You can eat in a few minutes if you want to, but it’s pretty important to start recognizing what the uncomfortable feelings are that you’re eating in response to. Just BE for a few minutes.
You can write down what you’re feeling/thinking/imagining. When we talk about journaling, many people think they have to sit down, date the top of the page and then write really deep, inspiring, rambling entries. Don’t try to do that, just jot down thoughts, words, sentences. I keep a little notebook in my purse so when I’m overwhelmed by an emotion or thought, I can scratch it out. Lots of times I end up scrawling a page or two, but just putting pen to paper provides a release and a way to identify my emotions.
You can exercise. Really? That sounds like such a “diet mentality” sort of thing to do. But you’re not going for a walk to burn calories or to strengthen your heart, you’re going to breathe and to get some of the anxiety and crabbiness worked out. You know the old adage, “What a difference a day makes.” Well, I’m convinced that there’s truth to, “What a difference a walk makes.” Remember, physical activity doesn’t GET RID of the stressors, but it does lower the stress hormones that make us feel the need to fight or flight and it also knocks the stress down to size.
You can talk to someone whose job it is to listen to you. For some people talking to a friend can work. I find that I need a totally objective person whose job it is to just sit there and encourage me to spill my guts. When I talk to friends about stuff I tend to just get myself even more worked up. I know many people are leery about talking to a counselor or therapist, but for people who have chronic stress, are emotionally “jammed up” or are often the caretakers of other people, sometimes the only way through the emotional maze is by talking to a professional. And the thing about a good therapist is that they don’t allow, much less encourage you to dwell on “crapola.” It really isn’t the old Freudian, “Tell me about your mother” bit.
And finally, if you’re dealing with big scary issues like physical or sexual abuse or post-traumatic stress disorder, a therapist can be a lifesaver. Sometimes you have to take a big leap of faith to start talking about the skeletons in the closets, but know you’ll be a healthier, happier person for it.
Remember, emotions are normal, don’t try to get rid of them or hide them in a bucket of ice cream. Being frightened or nervous doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re human. Feeling angry doesn’t make you a bad person. You have the ability to work through them without using food.
May you be happy, angry, sad, scared and live through it all,
Regan
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