And the jury finds you…Not Guilty!
Guilty: having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong.
Guilt: a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some real or imagined offense, crime, wrong, etc.
Too many people I talk to about weight loss, food, body issues, disordered eating feel “guilt” after eating. Perhaps some foods don’t induce guilt (broccoli and cabbage tend to be “guiltless” as do other cruciferous vegetables.) But so many people I talk to have guilt after eating ice cream or carrot cake, some people have guilt after eating fast food, others after eating meat (and not for humanitarian reasons, for “diet” reasons.) Then there are the feelings of guilt from eating healthy foods that should be a big part of a healthy diet: bread, pasta, dairy, fruit, nuts, avocados, carrots, corn, peas. You name it, it makes someone feel guilty.
I’m not a priest or a therapist, but people still talk to me about their [perceived] transgressions. I can’t change their feelings, but I can try to help them recognize what they are when it comes to food.
I understand the regret after having overeaten to the point of discomfort. I understand the frustration at having eaten something that didn’t taste very good. But food is amoral. To truly heal from feeling bad about food and to get to a healthy relationship with food, it’s necessary to find a way to untangle the thorny vines of emotions that surround food, eating and our bodies. I’ve heard one dietitian who works with clients with eating disorders say that the feelings associated with food are already there before you start eating. People don’t eat then feel guilty, they feel guilt (shameful, offensive, unworthy) before they eat; the food just allows those emotions to surface. Maybe you know someone who feels guilty after spending money even if they need the item and can afford it. Same thing, the emotion is just related to something else.
I was reading May, 2010 issue of “O” the Oprah Magazine. Love, love, love the magazine, sometimes Oprah makes me want to staple my ears shut, but that’s beside the point. What I came across was a column (pg. 80) by Marianne Williamson about ten ways to stay spiritually connected. She says this,
“Forgive anyone you have not forgiven. Whenever you withhold forgiveness, you keep yourself bound to your own feelings of guilt.”
I’m not sure this statement is sometimes true or always true, but it rang true to me. It also reinforces the commonly held idea that forgiveness is not for the person who wronged you, forgiveness is for you and allows you to be free. I don’t see forgiveness as a religious pursuit; it’s necessary for anyone who wants to feel sane! Forgiveness is a process of letting go, of releasing, of unburdening one’s self. You may do it on your own, with a religious leader or with a therapist. (I’m telling you, if you’re constantly overeating, losing weight and gaining it back, feeling guilty, shameful or not knowing what you’re feeling, it’s time to get a therapist to help you get through, get over, get past, get around, get unstuck. And your mother/husband/friend/sister doesn’t count as a therapist!)
You deserve to feel good. Perhaps that’s the starting point, the “A-ha” moment when real healing can begin. And maybe at this point in your life you have to take that on faith because you’ve felt bad for so long or you’ve been convinced that misery, shame and discomfort are what you “deserve.” Not true. It is absolutely possible to get past the feelings of unworthiness, guilt, shame and loathing associated with what you eat and how you look.
May you be happy, healthy and free from your chains,
Regan
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