Selfish or Self Care?
I was reading Shape magazine at the gym today and there was an an article about a woman’s weight loss journey. I think she had lost about 40 pounds or so and was doing really well. She was feeling healthy, attractive and “flirty” and was excited about the new clothes she got to wear. The thing that struck me was that she said that losing weight requires a person to put herself or himself first. It really struck me, is this true? I’d never really thought about it. So I’ve been mulling it over and here are some of my thoughts.
First, let’s say it is true. But it’s kind of like when you’re on an airplane and they tell you to put on your mask before you help anyone else with theirs. With the airplane scenario, the whole point of that is if you help your 3 year old child before you put yours on, you’ll pass out and little Timmy will be wide awake while you’re passed out next to him. I know, not a pretty scenario. I’d argue that “putting yourself first” or “taking care of yourself” is much the same way. As a kid I used to just hate it when I’d come home from school and I’d want to spend time with my mom and she’d leave to go for a walk. HOW DARE SHE!? She dared because she knew she’d be a much better parent if she did go for a walk. She had the energy to cook a healthy dinner, she was in a better mood, she dealt with stress from her day and she felt good about herself. By “putting herself first” she was actually setting a good example and, paradoxically, ensuring the welfare and happiness of her family.
Second, what is meant by “putting yourself first”? Maybe it doesn’t mean that we believe to be better or more important than the people around us or the people we care about. Perhaps it means that we honor ourselves and we take responsibility for ourselves. Question…how could we confuse “taking responsibility” with “being selfish”? I know that many religions and belief systems encourage us to take care of the body that the Creator (or whatever name you call her/him) gave us. Is that selfish to honor that? Or is it a responsibility that we must undertake?
Third, and here’s where things start to get a little emotional and maybe a little tricky. Is the phrase, “you’re being selfish” something that you just can’t bear to hear? Perhaps it’s how your wife or your kids or your mother push your buttons. Is it possible that you think that anything that benefits you is selfish? Do your friends often mention that people take advantage of you? Maybe you are one of those people who gives and gives to the point that there’s nothing left for you and the idea of “putting yourself first” or fulfilling your own needs is uncomfortable and frightening. Could that be you? Have you been taking care of everything and everyone else for so long that you begin to think that caring for yourself is selfish? Perhaps it’s time to rethink some things or get an outside perspective.
So, do I think that losing weight means you have to put yourself first? I do think that losing weight and being healthy require you to recognize the importance of taking care of yourself. I also think that it means that sometimes your needs may take precedence over the needs of others; but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing (I’m pretty sure your 12 year old can pour his own cereal in the morning and your husband can iron his own pants.) And I most certainly believe that meeting your own needs makes you better able to take care of other people. I know this can be difficult for many people, especially for women who are traditionally care takers, but know that ensuring your own welfare (put that oxygen mask on first!) will mean that you have what you need to care for the people you love.
May you be happy, healthy and well cared for,
Regan
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